Some funny church bulletins

You have to love the folks in the church offices who come up with the announcements.   Some of them should take part time jobs writing for the night time monologues.

smile a bit as I did:

The Fasting and Prayer Conference will include meals.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The sermon this morning:  "Jesus Walks on the Water".
This evening's sermon:  "Searching for Jesus".

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.  Bring your husbands.

Don't let worry kill you off.  Let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again", giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you having children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday, there will be try-outs for the choir.  They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married October 24 in the church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.  Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the seromon will be "What is Hell?"  Come early and listen
to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robs are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.d

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.    Prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church will cast off clothing of every kind.  The may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.  Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM  Please use the back door.

The 8th Graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.   The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please use double door at the side entrance.

And lastly,
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:  "I upped my Pledge.   No up yours".